Being played by her ?

Ok, I have been dating this female who was previously married and is in the process of a legal sep. She has two children and lives in the house the she and her (ex) husband bought a year ago. She recently quite her job even though I told her not to and is struggeling with $$ as she now works part time because unemployment rejected her claim because she quite. Her (ex) husband does not want to cough up for the bills they have together, and only pays child support when he wants to. I have my own place. However, I stay at her house most of the time. We have been arguing alot lately. Mainly because she's missarable on a daily basis, never happy....which she admits and even her own children told me has always been like that. My biggest problem is more so her financial situation. Last night an argument she started because in her eyes I never helped her out with any of the bills. My argument was that the bills created by her and the (ex) husband should be handled by themselves and maybe concider suing him for that. But she claimed, because I stayed at her house frequently that I should pay the light, water, ect. True, I do stay there, however, I have my own place (bills), and if it comes down to it, I can simply just visit her if that is the case. Besides, I offered for her to spend QT at my place but lately she insist of me staying at her house. A few months back she called me cheap because I eased on spending alot of money when we were going out to eat/dance/ect. I always calculated on how much things cost... hey, why not question your spending $$ ?! In any event, her sister who is dating a married guy pays for repairs for the sisters home improvement (so I was told) But my gutt feeling tells me that the guy is practically paying for everything. The first time I met this individual he told me that the sister is always accusing him of being too secret about his life. Funny, I hear the same thing from her.... maybe a sister thing?? But then one day I found my full name and social security number in her bag and when I questioned her about it her explaination was that one day when she went to the bank and she was talking to me on the cellphone she told the banker her SS# and I heard everything.. so she felt the need of obtaining my information as well... fishy!! In any event, I have tried to motivate her, cheer her up and really tried to make her happy without spending $$, such as taking her to places that she never been to.... just quite places in the park where she can think and relax, restaurants that are different than just the plain old TGIF or Applebees... trying to find her a new job/career (made a new resume, job searches, ect) she is still on a up/down rolla' coaster. I feel i'm waisting time here, but when I decide to break lose, I have a tendency or should I say fear of making a mistake because I care for her.... what is your take on this ? Any suggestions/comments, may it be negative or positive are more than welcome. Thanks!

Being played by her ?
I think you should stay at your own place and let her to her own devices. Wait until she gets her financial house in order before going any further? She sounds pretty irresponsible. Who quits their job when they are short of money?



What do you get out of this relationship? You say you care for her but also that you are wasting time there. Put in some distance until you see where she is taking herself.
RUN!!!Being played by her ?
she sounds like trouble. shes got way too much baggage. run..quick!!
Oh jeez. She is being ridiculous. Give her an ultimatum: Mature up or i'm outta here.
punch that polock in the face
Are you so desperate that you need to be hassled by some woman who isn't even divorced (so she's still married - even with a legal separation), with kids, and all the mess from the previous relationship? If she puts any of that crap on your shoulders HEAD FOR THE HILLS! It isn't your business. Pay a portion of what you think is fair to cover your expenses in her house and go. Find someone worthy of your money and wait AT LEAST a year before going to the extent of moving in together. I would highly suggest, however, that you wait for a long term commitment (ie: marriage) before you move in together.
She is not legally divorced...



Stay at your own house overnight...



I would not see her anymore until she is legally free



You will thank yourself for this later...she needs time to herself and with her children.,
She's using you! Even if you were there often you have your own bills! I would run, but I don't even know the girl.... Is this the person you see yourself forever? And whoever doesnt appreciate a cheap date is a gold digger.
Sounds like she's a gold digger. I'm a single mother of one. I am engaged to my man and I have not asked him to pay for anything. We split everything down the middle (my choice). He wanted to just hand me his paycheck and me take care of the bills but since I have more bills then him, I didn't feel right doing that. BTW, she sounds like a very negative person. Why would one quit without having another lined up? Anyways there's nothing you can do to cheer her up. Maybe in the short run but in the long run, that's her personality. I'd say get out now while you can!
Run for the hills! She is trouble! If my son brought her to my home I would run her bootie off! I am a tough momma and I do not want my kids to be homewreckers!! I raised my son and 2 stepdaughters that way. Don't get involved with married folks!!
WoW how long have you been together? Do you love her and want to have a future with her? If you at the least bit hesitate to that question I would just move on.
Sorry but it seems as though your woman is a gold digger who doesn't want to pull her weight. It wasn't very smart of her to quit her job when she had a house to pay for and little ones who depend on her unless she has a medical reason to do so or some other dire need to do so.



Some women are just used to men paying their way and they go out of their way to find men who will do that. If you love her, then figure out if she shares your feelings. If she does then it is probably best for the two of you to share the same house if this is the track that you are headed down. If you aren't headed down this track, then I say let her go now, there is no need in getting her children invested in you and letting them down later. Maybe as a friend, you could try talking to her about her dependency on having men pay her bills, because right now she isn't married and is in essence alone and needs to look at things from that perspective for her children and act like their mother. If you decide to help--Great, if not, then she should still be okay.

Good luck to all of you.
I can not see her reasoning for you paying the bills. The amount of water and electricity you use at her home is a small amount. If she wants help, then buy some groceries when she cooks for you or something like that.



It is by her own doing that she now has a bad financial situation. This is all hers and none of yours. It is not your problem nor should you be helping out. You were not here to make the debt in the first place.

As for her sister man paying for everything, good for him. I hope she services him on a regular basis. :)



It would appear that you are doing the trying and not so much her. Maybe what you need to do is not see her as much or be as available. She should not be picking fights with you that have nothing to do with you. That is selfish and you are not there to ease her finances.



She needs to learn to take care of herself.
First of all I wouldn't help pay her bills she needs to go back to court and file for spousal support if she having a hard time. Especially when she asked you to stay and now she wants you to pay the bills because she quit her job. No way. I look at it this way if she really cared money wouldn't be an issue when you all go out. You don't have to spend or even have tons of money to enjoy each others company. I wouldn't like the Social Security issue though, you can find out a lot of personnel information about someone and suppose it feel in the wrong hands. I'm not trying to down the women but from what you have written it seem like she's looking for someone to pay the bills. I mean why would you quit a full time job without some backup then complain and call you cheap. Though you might have feelings I think I would have to put on a good pair of walking shoes.
Alright then I am a nurse seen just about all there is to see in people

Both man and women I pretty well know what they are like when I watch their next play yes at the hospital and now every where else.

I think you did very good in helping your girl friend get her grounds after

she %26amp; her Ex split soon you walked in right after him.Not that I see anything wrong in doing that unless you didn't do your home work and find out why her Ex didn't want to stay married to her.That you found out later by her children thats what you said...Now she not only wants him to pay

but you too! There are uses both men and women I know I seen lots but you can be sure she wants to use you my friend and you shouldn't care how much sugar she use to give you because if you do stay she will get $ out of you one way or another even getting prego thats more support plus you like her allot and have settled for a married women with kids and a Ex and if you ask me her and her sister have no morals

It's all about the money$$$$$$$ married with some one that is married still $$$ GET away from them all of them and start looking for some one like you that wants things in life and won't throw their good hard earned $$$ from a good job not using some one like them 2 sister learned to do mother must be like that too! Yes do tell her it's over and you want out as your and her life are different so is your thinking and you want to go find your soul mate and have a big house nice children a good wife that thinks about you and her future and your children's .

too! Well bye and good luck I still pray that you will stop seeing that person and start your own life...
first of all, how long have you been with her? if you are going to be with her than you have to accept everything that comes with her. thats the way a relationship works. you should not be leaving her side when the ex is choosing not to do the right thing. that is not her fault and you are making it worse on her and giving her more problems in your relationship. her and ex didnt create bills, you have those no matter what kind of situation, and if you stay there then maybe you should be pitching in on the bills or stop staying there as much. she probably wants you to stay at her house because it is easier when there are children involved. they have their own space to play in. you should never calculate what is done in a relationship, don't keep score. each person puts in their own good/bad/weird personality and thats why you stay with a person. the married guy has nothing to do with your relationship with her. if you want to be with her stay with her and support her and she really is dealing with alot.